Abortion in light of adoption
Abortion. It’s a hot button topic lately and I am sure that some of you reading this are all up in arms already, ready to pounce all over what I have to say next. You are ready to tell me all the reasons I am wrong and you are going to try to defend the decisions and laws that are and have been legal across the country that say a woman can kill her baby (note that I did not say “terminate a pregnancy” that is a euphemism that I will never use). Please make sure you read the rest of this and understand my heart and why this topic, especially right now in my life, is devastating to me. I am sure that if you are pro-choice, you will find fault in every word that I say next. I have researched and heard all sides of the debate, so I am just sharing my raw thoughts. I am aware that some of you disagree. We will have to agree to disagree.
I have wanted a baby ever since I knew women could give birth. Growing up I volunteered in the church nursery, I participated in walks for life (at the time I did not know why we were walking, I just knew it was for babies and I loved babies). I asked for an American Girl Bitty Baby, not one of the American Girl dolls, I wanted the baby. A few years later I went to the Lee Middleton Doll factory in Marietta, Ohio and “adopted” Melody Anne. I carried that baby everywhere- church, grocery shopping, and envisioned being a mom.
Fast forward to now. We knew we wanted a baby, have tried to conceive for years and cannot. To think that a woman can choose to kill her unborn baby- a baby that I would give anything for- is heart wrenching for me, especially in this season of infertility.
Then comes the topic of adoption. I can’t tell you how many times I hear these pro-choice questions designed to prove me wrong.
“Pro-lifers care SO much about the baby in the womb, but what about after that baby is born? Where are they than?” Well, I for one am doing all that I can to support and love whatever birth mom we get connected with. The cost of our adoption will be about 35-40+ THOUSAND dollars. ~$14,000 of that goes straight to the birth mom to support her while she carries her baby as well as postpartum. We will have an open adoption because we genuinely care about the birth momma and consider it a true privilege to care for a raise her baby. We care about her life goals and successes. We are presenting to mommas who have used drugs while pregnant, knowing full well that baby could have challenges in the future. That doesn’t mean baby is inferior or unworthy of life. It just means we get to walk that journey with baby and support her through the highs and lows.
“You don’t recognize your privilege.” I recognize that we come from a place of privilege. That is why we consider it a privilege to be able to adopt and provide a child with a life of love and care. I consider it a privilege to volunteer my time at a local organization that provides prenatal care, resources, and counseling to at-risk and marginalized people in our community. I am not blind to my privilege, which is why I feel the need to speak up for those who do not have the privilege to choose their own lives.
“What if that baby would never have a good quality of life?’ I cannot tell you the number of stories I have heard about, from people I know, who were encouraged over and over to abort “before it was too late” and their babies are now thriving. Was the road through the NICU and therapies rough? Yes Are there still lasting effects? Yes. But I have a hard time accepting that someone doesn’t deserve to live because their life will come with some challenges. I know some amazing people who have health struggles or disabilities who are incredible. You can’t convince me that they do not deserve to live.
“Don’t you care about the mom’s health and life?” Actually, I care a great deal. That is why I am pro-life. I find it interesting that the emotional health of moms who have aborted are not really ever mentioned on the pro-choice side. I have read account after account of the adverse emotional (not to mention physical) effects of abortion. To think that abortion is best for a woman is a claim that I cannot find to be true.
Please don’t jump all over me in the comment section, or unfriend me. I just want to add a perspective. Those of you who emphasize the wonders of pro-abortion legislation need to understand how this makes people battling infertility feel, as well as consider the impacts abortion can have on the momma who chooses it. If you care about women, care about their futures emotionally and physically post abortion.
Sorry for the soap box moment here. Life (which scientifically is defined from conception on) is just too precious for me to sit idly by and say nothing.